


bloom just for you

by losestelia



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Dreams, Grinding, M/M, Making Out, Twisted and Fluffy Feelings, and that's on anxiety!!, hyojin's big fat inner monologue, just a little, other members are there but barely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-23
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22873474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/losestelia/pseuds/losestelia
Summary: hyojin had never been the greatest student but having a little high-voiced distraction didn’t help. his grades start to tank and he hadn’t slept properly in weeks.that’s when he decided on an agreement.“the agreement” to be exact.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Comments: 9
Kudos: 93





	bloom just for you

**Author's Note:**

> I'M NOT DEAD!!!
> 
> can you believe there's been no onf fic since last year????? that's insanity and i'll try to relieve some of that drought :)))  
> i've been soooo unbelievably busy this year so a lot of the holiday fics i had planned didn't make it through...  
> but i'm here now! and i have some hyoj in classic wordy losestelia style >:))
> 
> enjoy!  
> 

it was never a question of when seungjoon would change. the answer was: eventually. eventually, seungjoon would grow out of his fluttering, hyperactive self. because they've known each other since middle school, 12 years is a long time to stay exactly the same.it must have been a question of how then. how much would seungjoon change, how would he suddenly bloom? and maybe it's incredibly telling that hyojin just sits and waits for his friends to outgrow him- but he doesn't care at this point. this point is what he's been afraid of. not the moment that seungjoon became something akin to an orchid blooming after an antarctic winter- no, the moment where hyojin had to face that new seungjoon head-on. where he had to actually experience that new seungjoon without losing his mind. because the thing about seungjoon is that the only way you get pulled out of his obvious charm is noticing his waning confidence and child-like pettiness.

he told himself it was about maturity. 

hyojin has wanted to date seungjoon since they were teenagers. when he was in high school it was almost designed for you to think about things you weren't supposed to. classes were long, topics were easy- just you and a million thoughts to fester in. he and seungjoon weren't table mates so the poor guy next to him had to watch him space the fuck out in physics. 

it's not that he didn't care about the laws of motion, about work- push and pull. its that there were so many more pressing matters. 

like how seungjoon's hands are perfectly spindly and he’s a little too good at backbends. how he puts chapstick on in the middle of their conversations, just staring him right in the eyes sliding vanilla mint across his pretty pink lips.

he had to know the amount of stress he was putting him under. 

hyojin had never been the _greatest_ student but having a little high-voiced distraction didn’t help. his grades start to tank and he hadn’t slept properly in weeks.

that’s when he decided on an agreement. 

“the agreement” to be exact. 

a deal he made with himself that he wouldn't date seungjoon(even if that was already _impossible_.), think about him in ways he wouldn't want to talk about out loud- even looking at him sideways was out of the question. he told himself it was for the best, sketching out the rules in his calculus notebook(later sparking a bit of concern from his teacher).

but high school is over and college lulled it's way to both of them. 

hyojin knew he wouldn't stay a music major for too long, his dream was always to be a singer. 

and maybe they just absorb each other's ideas because they end up together again- lost in a dream.

a nightmare? 

he and seungjoon's story of a decade long friendship sparks speculation about their relationship. seungjoon takes it like a compliment, blushing when anyone mentions that painful number of years like it's a wedding anniversary. hyojin acts like he's oblivious(as he's learned to do) but doesn't move away when seungjoon comes to lean on his shoulder or make lumpy hearts at fan signs. spending a couple of hours covered in bunny ears, cat ears, lace chokers, silk shirts that open a few buttons too wide- all to the sound of delighted squeals. even at home, the little red shorts he's had to have had since grade school, how loose t-shirts ride up in his curveless torso- you name it -they would have all driven hyojin completely insane if it weren't for constantly reminding himself of the agreement.

that he and seungjoon are different. that what hyojin spends weeks agonizing over, takes seungjoon a second to accept. they grew up at a different pace. and now that the playing field is basically equal it’s hard to tell is maybe hyojin is the one running to catch up.

he can see the disaster of a relationship clear as day- the years of work they’ll swiftly ruin. 

the agreement is best for everyone- even if hyojin made it for his own sanity. 

but agreements can only take you so far.

and change tends to just shove you over the edge of the cliff to plummet to your death.

seungjoon's abs don't look real.

they look like the crayon drawn ones they used to run around with when they were kids. he knows there's no makeup on his stomach( _god_ it's so much more than just a stomach at this point) because none of them have had the energy for it in weeks. he hasn't shaved in a while either and when he lifts his shirt sometimes at practice or thinks the bathroom is empty when he steps out of the shower there's a winding trail below his navel. the only sign of his natural hair color dusting his sweatpants. 

his muscles are a shining symbol of his stubbornness. he can see the way he basks in everyone’s attention. and consequently how pissy he gets when he gains weight. he just sits poking his stomach in the bathroom mirror while hyojin tries to dry his hair in the morning. it's a little annoying when seungjoon is still a jillion kilos lighter than him. hyojin isn't fat but he sure as hell isn't muscular to a point where it shows.

seungjoon lets him touch sometimes.

he lets him trace the lines dividing his stomach into six warm chunks of muscle. his abs are always burning hot, even when the rest of him is freezing. and under hyojin's trembling fingers- they simmer. seungjoon lets him touch more than he should. and without protests, he just lifts up his shirt and let's hyojin gawk like a pervert. he can't tell if he lets him do it for the validation or cause he likes the feeling. his muscles flutter, he flinches but doesn't push him away. 

“does it feel good?” his voice doesn’t really sound like his own, all rocky gravel and breath, he likes his voice a little more now. that kind of offsets the embarrassing words he just said.

“that’s perverted, hyojin.” 

hyojin huffs, dragging a nail down the middle of his stomach, “ _you’re_ perverted.”

“great comeback.” seungjoon pulls his shirt up a little more and hyojin almost screams, “but yeah it’s nice, i guess.” 

he’s too far from seungjoon’s to tell if he’s blushing but it wouldn't matter if he was because hyojin’s stomach twists on its own. he closes his eyes and runs his fingers over seungjoon’s torso without thinking.

 _no_ thinking.

his stomach is a symbol of change, it's a sign that the elephant of his feelings has grown the size of a megayacht and is heading for him at full speed.

he doesn't have time to dream anymore when reality keeps punching him awake.

changyoon mumbled to him after it happened that he thought all the sad times in his life were over and all the ones to come he would be strong enough to ignore.

he thinks changyoon cried the most.

after the appearance of an empty bed in the dorm and a person to edit out of their title tracks and their sentences, seungjoon has been joining him when the lights go out.

not in the way he’s been thinking of lately but, these moments are more precious. seungjoon lets himself sob in his arms every night, he shakes and sputters. being a leader of a group that would always rather smile than cry in front of each other isn’t easy. especially when seungjoons a crybaby anyway. hyojin feels like he should cry- well, he did. when everything happened. and the thought of all they had to face was more daunting and nauseating than cry-worthy. he doesn’t tell him anything, he just cries, maybe muttering words under his breath that sound like a name they can’t say. that sound like curses and prayers rolled past his lips all at once. 

he didn't focus too hard on it.

he occupies his fluttering thoughts with seungjoon's hair. it's always grown out in the winter, always soft. always a shiny natural color. hyojin turns his hands absently through it with seungjoon clinging to him, thin legs curled up cold and close. the pull of the strands lulls him to silence and brings a twitch of a smile across his face. 

hyojin isn't completely useless after all.

but it doesn't matter.

because seungjoon’s health starts to take a noticeable beating. 

he's been eating less and pushing himself even harder to maintain such a ridiculous amount of muscle. as much as he admired his commitment to his goals, hyojin wonders if this is even sustainable.

well, he doesn't wonder.

toward the middle of promotions, seungjoon promised to gain all his weight back. and like everything seungjoon sets his mind to- he does it.

seungjoon makes sense. 

he's the same squishable, dorky, and ab-less man he once knew.

for a few _precious_ days.

they all dragged themselves to the hair salon mostly for haircuts and muting their intense stage hair colors for lighter schedules and tour. as much as hyojin would love to maintain a 2 toned mullet, his usual burnt red hair works too.

and seungjoon became a completely different kind of unrecognizable. 

a whole new _terrifying_ beast.

“your hair.” changyoon blurts what they're all thinking. their manager said seungjoon had to say a bit longer at the salon- he didn’t say why. and when he shuffles through the door in the midst of light conversation about something that doesn’t matter with stark white hair and pink windswept cheeks- hyojin almost cries. everything was almost like before, he was almost feeling normal again. 

“it’s so-” yuto snaps around looking for a word.

“bright.” minkyun mumbles, already standing to go poke and pull at the dead strands of white. seungjoon stands a little straighter while all the members inspect him. he’s doesn’t recognize him and every time hyojin blinks seungjoon looks even more like a stranger. 

“does it look okay?” seungjoon says in that cute little puppy way he asks when he already knows the answer. a chorus of approval follows from everyone's lips but hyojin’s and he can’t bring himself to say anything. he doesn't think he could speak even if he tried to. 

“hyojin?” there’s a pitiful look on his face and it’s terrible to be his usual insulting playful self right now. hyojin really only has two modes: cruelty or painful genuineness. if there was an in-between he hasn’t found it yet. 

“it’s,” he looks at seungjoon’s marshmallow fluff head and he just

 _can’t_

“different.” 

that was probably the worst thing he could have said. and before he can tack on a compliment or a joke or a “but i’m so in love with you” seungjoon does that sad little nod. that little twitch of his head that tells everyone he’s absorbing what you just said and he’s taking it directly to heart. 

the rest of the night was normal- no one said anything more about anyone’s hair after it was revealed to be a touchy subject. they just joke and wrestle over their food until all of their social timers are up. a group full of introverts(and minkyun) all understand when to just leave each other alone. 

hyojin just can’t sit still. 

the book he’s going in and out of reading is decently interesting. changyoon was out doing god knows what with god knows who but there's something akin to dread sitting in him. like a rock at the bottom of his stomach. he pulls out his phone and opens messenger before he can think about it:

_come over._

is all he types before chucking his phone across the bed. 

seungjoon’s fluffy white head pokes through the door a split second later. he looks like he’s about to be scolded and hyojin hopes that’s not what he’s planning on doing. he’s not really sure what he’s planning on doing. 

“so…” he’s wearing those tiny red shorts and a snoopy button up sleep shirt. he’s so cute and his legs look so long stretched out in front of him, toeing the dust bunnies on the floor. there are a few nicks on them and he hopes they’re from shaving and not tripping over his own feet. 

_he really needs a plan._

“your hair,” seungjoon tenses “i like it.” 

“did jaeyoung put you up to this?”

hyojin blinks, “no.” 

“don’t lie.”

“i’m not, it really suits you.” seungjoon looks unconvinced, “you look like a snow leopard.” 

_snow leopard?!_

“snow leopard?” seungjoon quirks and eyebrow, leaning closer to plop onto his bed. he feels like he’s cooking beneath his blankets. seungjoon feels too close like rolling lava, he’s so scared of him getting to close and melting the fucking _flesh_ off his body. 

“what is it?” 

“never gotten that before- i don’t hate it, it’s just,” seungjoon lays back on the bed next to him, “different.” 

hyojin doesn’t laugh because he can barely breathe but tries to show his amusement some other way. he just leans back into his pillows, scooting to make room for seungjoon to curl into his side. his hand is only halfway in seungjoon’s hair before he hears soft snoring. it’s been a long day, every day must be so long when you’re seungjoon. having to be so stable for everyone, be this beautiful all day, maintain that shine without tiring. 

hyojin’s eyes slip closed with a small smile on his face, hands wound in dead white strands. 

_the bathwater is warm when he sinks down into it. the steam is so thick it feels like he’s breathing in ocean water- ocean water that smells like eucalyptus and sage. th_ _e water is so hot it kind of burns against his skin the more it sloshes up to his neck. it moves in circles around him like a whirlpool pulling toward the center. he can feel fingers in the waves, grabbing at his arms and legs to put him off balance so he goes face-first into the surface._

_it’s so hot- it’s burning._

_the water levels rise to his lips but it doesn’t get any harder to breathe. he’s panting into the water, his sweat rising the levels even more. his nose goes under. his ears fill with the warbled sound of a voice._ _he looks into the water, the surface disappears and it's like an endless ocean._

_“hyojin.” there’s a breathy voice calling, “hyojin.” it calls again. he can’t see anyone in the clear porcelain pool around him._

_“where-”_

_“hyojin come here.” the voice sounds like it’s so close- right in his ear, it makes him tingle to his fingertips. when he turns, his movements slow from the water- seungjoon._

_“seungjoon?”_

_“come here, hyojin.” seungjoon’s hair floats around him like angel wings and his skin is bare save for some bubbles stuck to his chest and thighs._

_“i can’t.”_

_seungjoon floats closer to him, his hand grabbing hyojin’s to place it around his waist. he puts their other hands together and pulls him in close. it’s like their waltzing- floating in fragrant water that only gets thicker the closer seungjoon leans in._

_“you can, hyojin.” seungjoon pulls them in closer so the tops of their thighs bump together, “you can come to me however you want.”_

_the warm water feels like it melts them together, like two crayons in the hot sun creating something accidentally beautiful._

_“i can’t.” seungjoon leans onto his shoulder, his teeth grazing over the tendons there and the little feeling is overwhelming. he goes down his chest so quickly like water running. he whispers his name into his skin over and over. his lips tickle feather-light and it’s so hard to decide if he wants it- he wants it but he doesn’t know if he should right now. the water fills up his lungs and burns in his chest so insistently._

_how is he even breathing water?_

_“seungjoon stop.”_

“stop.” 

“hyojin?” 

hyojin sits up so quickly his heart drops down to his toes.

his torso is pulsing out of sync with his heartbeat with this misplaced adrenaline. 

he’s not underwater- he’s not drowning and he’s(he pats himself down. so _sweaty_ ) not naked. there's nobody lying next to him but he can feel someone weighing down the bed. 

and then there's a shaking tuft of white hair sticking up sideways and a pair of huge glassy eyes staring at him. the lights are off which means changyoon was probably here but he can't make out any breathing from across the room. “are you awake? like actually?” seungjoon’s breath is loud and clear and it’s making his own pick up to match. he’s half hard in his xxl gym shorts hanging on to his pelvis for dear life and getting substantially stickier with all this sweat that’s seemingly _everywhere_ . dreams about seungjoon that leave him like this aren’t new but something so unrealistically vivid is, with seungjoon _being_ in front of him is.

“i’m awake, yeah, i’m-” he looks down to seungjoon’s pale and vaguely defined chest, “where’s your shirt?” 

it's so quiet for so long he’s afraid his exhales are thunder, “got hot.” 

he just swallows back the little noise in his throat, “was i talking in my sleep?” 

“kind of.” he’s getting closer, “was it a nightmare?” 

“yeah.” his lies are getting quicker these days.

“was i in it?” 

his throat clenches like he might throw up “no, why would-” 

“you-” seungjoon's lips shake like he might start crying, the hand pressed against the bed grabbing a fistful of blanket “you said my name.”

hyojin doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe, doesn’t fight himself. he doesn’t feel drowsy or awake he doesn’t think about it. 

“i can explain-” 

seungjoon’s head jerks violently like something popped out and screamed at him “i kinda don't wanna hear it.” 

“why?” 

“‘why?’ gee i wonder,-” seungjoon’s mocking him- exasperated, “because you’re just gonna lie and i’m gonna have to believe it so everything goes back to normal. i don’t- i mean, just don’t lie to me, hyojin. what’s so terrible that you can’t just say it to my face? we’ve been friends for 13 _fucking_ -”

he crashes into seungjoon because he can’t think of anything else to do. he wraps his arm around his shoulders and stares at the door behind his head. the uprooted blankets curl like a waves crest between them and it's all so terribly symbolic. it’s not a fairytale kiss because the thought of kissing seungjoon on his bed in the middle of the night fills him with something mixed with fear.

but the fear is very present. 

kissing is terrifying. 

being that close to his face, his eyes twitching and relaxing and lips parted and pretty. their breaths are shared, their spit is shared, their faces fucking _locked_. 

how could that not be frightening?

seungjoon starts to squirm in his clutch so he loosens up.

“does it really matter why, seungjoon?” he doesn’t want to get into this right now.

“yeah, i-” he pushes on hyojin’s chest forcing their eyes to meet, “i want to be the one that did this and i want you to not be ashamed to tell me.” he’s serious to the point it feels like joking.

hyojin briefly wonders _did what to me?_ but seungjoon’s thigh between his legs reminds him. he feels oddly cornered, trying to stay still.

“who are you,” the white-haired stranger blinks back “and what have you done with lee seungjoon?” 

his cheeks feel full and heavy with blood and heat as he whispers the words but they’re already in the air. seungjoon’s lips quirk into a smile and his eyes narrow in the corny but sexy way they do on stage, “i hate you- _god just_ -” he grabs his cheeks with both bony hands and brings their faces together squarely. 

his big stupid nose crashed into something equally as big and stupid but seungjoon pushes his chin up to combat it. he isn’t any less nervous than he was a minute ago but he has less time to ponder it. all he can think is _kiss back kiss back kiss back_ . he needs seungjoon to know it’s fine even if he’s not quite there right now. the last thing he wants him to do is stop. seungjoon kisses in soft calligraphy lines winding sweet words on hyojin’s canvas. he’s _good_ which kind of makes him wonder if he was born good or practiced to be good. his blood boils instinctively at the thought of him kissing anyone else and he presses in harder. seungjoon makes a little ‘hmph’ sound in the back of his throat and hyojin feels his point was well received. 

he feels like he's kind of shitty at this. 

his neck is stiff, his hands are superglued to his sides, and when seungjoon introduces tongue he feels like he's flailing around without purpose. the more he thinks about how much he must suck the more he gets sick to his stomach with anxiety. he's spent all these years pretending not to want seungjoon but now that he's _kissing him_ he's not even doing it well enough for him to want him to _maybe_ back. he lets seungjoon lead, enjoying the tickly dragging feeling of fingers down his chest. he breaks into a sweat but it's a nervous one now. seungjoon's warm hands press up the hem of his shirt, pulling him in closer by his waist. seungjoon's thigh is still between his legs- stable, warm, and waiting. he spreads his knees a little more to straddle his legs fully, trying not to move and just enjoy the pressure. seungjoon tugs impatiently at his t-shirt so it finally comes off. seungjoon doesn't stare which he's thankful for, he's never been a fan of his stomach.

level playing field.

almost.

hyojins to far to know if seungjoon feels the same and it's too dark to just stare at the front of his tiny red shorts to tell. not that it matters- hyojin's always been easy to rile up- but it would make him less nervous.

seungjoon pulls him with one hand on his lower back- _oh god_. it ruts him closer, pressed snuggly against the curve of his pelvis, their lips get displaced across each other's faces. he makes the most disgusting noise into the corner of his lips, desperate and high in his throat. his brain starts to hurt with how his heartbeat is rattling it in his skull.

"are you okay?" seungjoon whispers into his cheekbone, hands stopping tentatively. hyojin knows he's really asking 'am i okay?' and 'am i doing alright?'. there's no word he can find that can describe the confusing mix of intense shock and willingness seungjoon brings about to him. how _perfect_ seungjoon's everything is.

"perfect." he mumbles, leading seungjoon's back against the bed. trying to remember the starstruck look in his eyes like hyojin is the brightest sun he's ever seen. 

" _so_ perfect." 

seungjoon chases his mouth, kisses him again, panting and pushing their foreheads together every time their lips break apart so they can gasp, as quietly as they can, for breath. they’re loud, too loud. they should stop. hyojin should stop him- but seungjoons finally with him, staring straight up at him, touching and enjoying this. he can finally chase after something he wants instead of smiling and letting it walk ahead into the future without him.

he feels so foreign like this but it’s a good foreign.

like imported candy or fine china- he doesn’t want to squander it. 

he can barely keep his hands from spazzing around seungjoon let alone control his entire face. hyojin takes to kissing down his neck where he can't tell if his eyes are clamped shut or that his breath is uneven. seungjoon doesn't seem to mind, hand fit in his hair even when it's thick with product residue from the salon. he doesn't mind it when he pulls. 

seungjoon tastes like dark chocolate and grapes. like lemonade made with a cup too little of sugar. 

like watermelon jolly ranchers.

like dessert that comes when you're too full of a good meal.

bittersweet perfection. 

his movements are just a thinly veiled attempt to take in as much of seungjoon's body as he could in however long it took for someone to wake up enough to hear them breathing heavy through the walls. hyojin's fingers descend, grazing the lean lines of seungjoon's stomach. his tiny red shorts are difficult to look at head-on, they don't cover much but what they do cover hyojin feels flustered about seeing. he just pulls them down enough to see his fading summer tan lines and his jutting hip bones.

hyojin sits back on his heels, looking down through the waves and craters of lean muscle and bone. on his knees on top of seungjoon isn’t a place he thought he would be today. the smooth valleys of his chest taking wavering breaths are easy to see, only slightly defined by remnants of his abs. 

he grimaces.

"how did you manage to lose so much weight? you gained it back and you’re still too thin." 

seungjoon arches closer impatiently, "i was fat before promo- _hey!"_

hyojin bites seungjoon's hip, holding the flesh in his teeth. his chin is nudging the little red shorts down to dangerous levels. he's pretty lightheaded when seungjoon yanks him back by his hair.

"dude _ow_ \- what the fuck-"

" _quiet_ , do you want someone to come in? stay at this weight- gain even more, actually." hyojin shakes seungjoon’s hands out if his hair, "or i'll hurt you." 

a heavy sigh evaporates above him, "you already did- _seriously_ i think i'm bleeding. i _knew_ you were a sadist." 

hyojin settled into a puddle on the other side of the bed, his fiery nerves smoking like blown-out birthday candles. his heart is still pounding but not so hard it feels like he'll die.

he’s a little too weak to continue whatever this is, he feels bad for changing the atmosphere on purpose. he tilts his head back to gulp down the air away from seungjoon. 

"don't say weird things" 

seungjoon slides up on his elbows, holding his stomach like he has a gunshot wound, "don't _do_ weird things." 

seungjoon’s body looks delicate and crumpled like a discarded silk wedding dress. he sits there tracing the indents of hyojin’s teeth and hyojin feels bad for maybe a split second for putting his years of frustration and anxiety into that one bite. there’s a dull taste of skin and metal on his tongue which he tries to focus on instead of how much explaining they'd have to do if anyone heard that.

_fuck it, might as well give them a show._

“i’ve liked you for a long time, seungjoon.” he says it like an exhale of feelings when he’s been holding his breath for 13 years. seungjoon doesn’t move but hyojin can hear his voice try to come out a couple of times and fail. he’s searching for the right words to tell him they can’t be together- he knows it. 

“it's more than just dreams and kissing- like that's part of it. but you’ve changed in front of me for the better. you’re confident and mature, and i always knew i needed you to lead with me but maybe you don’t need me-”

“shut up.” hyojin must look shocked when he quickly retorts, “ _you_ shut up.”

seungjoon huffs, “i haven’t changed so much that i don’t need you, hyojin. that’s bullshit.” seungjoon sits up on his knees- a little pink in the face, “i haven't even changed at all. if you mean i’ve regressed then maybe but i’m the same as you. we grew up together, we’ll keep growing.”

he must still look pretty shocked when he mumbles, “shut up.”

seungjoon rolls his eyes, "i can't say i've liked you for a _long_ time but it feels like forever when it means i can't do stuff like this with you all the time. and of course, it's not just _this stuff_ either- you've always stuck by me even when i'm annoying." seungjoon crawls forward so their touching again, placing warm palms on hyojin's thighs. "i don't know how this works or what to do and that should be proof enough that i haven't changed at all." 

hyojin bites the inside of his cheek to keep from saying 'shut up' again. he grabs seungjoon's hands and traces a thumb along the tendons and veins.

"i always feel like i have to catch up to you." 

"and i always feel like i have to catch up to _you_." seungjoon whispers, suddenly so much closer. tears sting his nose and his eyes so he yanks seungjoon in. hyojin's chin resting lightly on his bare shoulder. he smells like an orchid caught in a thunderstorm, like true beauty somehow.

seungjoon had bloomed.

whether he’d meant to or not.

he'd bloomed right in front of his eyes. and besides the obvious reward of the man in front of him, he got to see it all from the beginning. from when he would cry if someone called him short, couldn't sleep if someone confessed to him, flew a mile if he pushed him with a _tiny_ bit of force.

he's lucky.

and bitter.

that everyone gets to see the flower he is now when hyojin nurtured him for 13 years. 

"don't change." his voice sounds choked no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

seungjoon pulls him in until he's clambered into his lap again, arms clinging around his neck. 

"everything changes." 

he's right.

and seungjoon is _everything_.

hyojin isn't the type to cry for himself, he cries at funerals and at the occasional tv show but, never for the downward spiral that is his life. he didn't think he was worth the trouble, to be honest. 

but now he cries, for the first time in a while, over everything. over the moves he missed in rehearsal, how much he missed his parents and his home, how uncomfortable he felt in his own skin sometimes, and how seungjoon has to lead with someone who breaks promises to himself and bottles things up until he overflows. 

"don't leave." 

"try to get rid of me." hyojin sniffles at this, which is as close to amusement as he can manage. when he parts from seungjoon's shoulders, eyes red and puffy, all he wants to do is keep crying. because for once in his life it doesn't feel like he has to be anything, he can just be a bum crying into seungjoon until dawn.

he's safe here.

"i hope i get to bloom next to you." he's positive it only makes sense to him but seungjoon smiles like it's the best news he's heard all day. he brings a thin hand to brush the wayward tears off hyojin's face even if they'll be replaced with new ones pretty soon. 

"i hope so too." 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! 
> 
> (i'll try to keep up with posting more often!! filling up the onf tag is my favorite thing *salute*)
> 
> title: bloom- troye sivan


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